Deciding to separate after a marriage is a difficult decision with potentially life lasting consequences. Whether you are the one who is opting to leave or your spouse wants to separate, your emotions can overcome you and cloud your judgement. Your have choices in how your will handle the breakdown and how your family will be impacted. Several measures, outlined here, can help to minimize the impact on you and your family from the negative feelings that often come about when a marriage dissolves.
Don’t Make Any Unnecessary Changes
Many couples pull apart after a disagreement, including after a talk about separating. It is thought that the sooner the stress ends and you both get on with your lives, the better things will be. This is not necessarily so, however. It’s important to not take any drastic steps that you might later regret. For example, quitting your job so you don’t have to pay child support or so that your spouse has to pay spousal support is never recommended. Your income could be imputed if you leave your job and you will still need to find employment for income.
Another important decision is where to reside in the interim. It’s best to stay in the home so that your spouse’s lawyer cannot later claim that you abandoned the family by leaving. Your spouse cannot force you to leave if your name is on the lease, title or mortgage. If possible, it is recommended that you both stay in the matrimonial home with the children until the legal aspects of your separation have been resolved.
If you decide to move out of the neighbourhood, it is critical to never take your children and move out of the province or country or simply run away with them without informing your spouse. You could lose custody of your children by trying to deprive your spouse of time with them. If you can get along with your spouse well enough to live locally and if your children can continue to attend the same school as in the past, the situation could be ideal for your children. They will already have major changes occurring so it’s better for them not to change any more than is necessary.
Consider Whether the Marriage Can Be Saved
Many couples go through a separation and divorce without really giving the relationship an opportunity to be repaired. At the time of separating, when the issues of contention are still fresh, it may seem like a good idea to end things. Later (e.g., over the months or years) your feelings could change. Going to counselling is a good way to communicate more with your spouse in order to have heart to heart discussions. Trying to spend some time together doing things that you both once enjoyed can help too. Reading self-help books and watching DVDs together on how to improve your relationship is another option that could be beneficial. If you still decide to part ways, you should be confident when you do so that you have done everything possible to repair your marriage first.
Learn to Manage Your Finances
It is necessary to know how you will take care of yourself and your family, how much net equity you will have from the marriage, and what income you have to live from. You need to know where you can afford to live and how you will budget and manage your expenses. If you have children, you will also want to update your Will, Powers of Attorney and check your registered plan and life insurance beneficiaries. You will also want to ensure that you have sufficient life insurance to meet your financial obligations.
Get Support Emotionally, Psychologically and Legally
When your marriage breaks down, you need emotional support from friends, loved ones, a counsellor, or all of these. You also should obtain legal advice from a family law lawyer. It is important not to withdraw into a state of depression and to be able to face discomfort, be it your own, your children’s, your partner’s pain or friends and family who are affected. When you have a good support system, you will be in a better position to prepare a separation agreement that is collaborative. If you can respect your spouse’s rights as well as your own and divide your assets, custody and time with your children fairly, you may be able to get along better with your spouse in the future and remain friends. Handling your marriage breakdown amicably could save you a costly and emotionally draining legal battle in court.
